Baby Fever

When I look at these pics of Alaina baby I can't help but smile & sigh. (This last one looks like she's caught a bug in her mouth.) I think I've got baby fever again. I've been thinking about another lil' one coming to our family with fondness the last couple of weeks and I talked to Brian about starting to try for another one at the end of summer, when Alaina turns 2. I'm still waiting for baby Joseph to be here with us. As most of you know I was pretty anti-pregnancy after my miscarriage in September. It was a long & stressful ordeal. I knew even before I began to miscarry that I wasn't prepared for another one. I don't mean to say that I wanted a miscarriage because it was more devastating then I cared to admit to even myself, but I do believe the Lord knew how much I could & could not handle. And as my due date for that baby draws closer (April 8th) I can feel myself grieving for a child that might have been. But this week at our getting-to-know-you Relief Society function I stood up and almost said I have 4 kids. I have another child on my mind. I can't say if he/she will complete our family, but as always I will feel MORE complete when he/she arrives. I now look forward to another pregnancy. Gone will be the days when I can go work out hard at the Y, carry two kids up the stairs at the same time, or boast of up coming triathlons, but more rewarding things will be coming & I look forward to that with excitement & reverence for the miracle it is each & every time.